Mornings with Ted: A caregiver's story

Parents of young children will immediately recognize the morning routine at Ruth and Ted Simmons' Hamilton home.

While Ruth makes breakfast, she checks in on her husband to see how he's managing. When Ted finally comes into the kitchen, sometimes he's dressed, sometimes not. Some mornings he'll be pleased with what she's made for breakfast, others he'll complain.

And when it's time to leave the house, he may need to be reminded of where they're going.

Ted, 79, has Alzheimer's disease.

"I call the whole process we're going through right now backwards kindergarten," says Ruth, a retired teacher. "He's unlearning things about the same order and rate as my kindergarten kids learned them."
He's not just being difficult

Ruth has worked hard since Ted was diagnosed in 2005 to learn all she can about his illness. He first began showing symptoms by missing appointments and making significant banking errors. She'd get angry with him.

"I didn't know what was going on and it made me really mad," she recalls. "I'd say, ‘Listen to what I'm telling you.' But I didn't know his brain wasn't working. I thought he was just being difficult."

Ruth, who speaks regularly at community groups about what it's like to care for someone with Alzheimer's disease, says she can't stress this point enough.

"They will blame you for things. If you take that personally, you're a basket case all the time. That's Alzheimer's. That's what they do. What a difference it makes when you know what's going on."
It's OK to be overwhelmed

Ruth is also a strong advocate of community programs for caregivers: "Get help. Get all the help you can get," she says.